My needles were twitching

I'm not really sure who to blame.  It might be my friend Miss Margaret or maybe Miss Jackie or maybe even the boyfriend or perhaps old man winter.  It doesn't really matter why it happened; I'm just glad it did.  It actually began sometime in late January when I picked up the scarf that had been on my knitting needles since sometime last winter.  The bf and I had purchased matching yarns (blue for boys and pink for girls) to knit each other a scarf.  He had never knitted before, and I was going to share my knowledge with him.  My mom had taught me how to knit when I was young, maybe elevenish.
I started to work on the scarf and remembered how much I enjoyed knitting and how it had been a long time since I'd seen anything come to fruition.  So I made it my goal, by the end of the month I would finish that scarf.  And then it happened, there was yarn left over--enough yarn to make a matching hat.  So on to the needles it went.  And I had a new project to finish for February.  But what about that afghan I had been meaning to finish that my mom had bought me the yarn for a year ago xmas?  It was all shades of pink and what project would be better to finish in the month celebrating love?  By this time I had a weekly knit night planned with my friend Margaret who was in my neighborhood on Thursdays.  We were fantastic encouragement for one another and in no time at all I had finished several hats and was in my craft room looking for projects that needed to be completed.  A scarf from nearly four years ago finally made it off the needles and while I was in there I found some lovely yarn that would make a quick skinny scarf (warmer weather must be on its way soon.)
All the while I had reconnected with a wonderful friend from many years ago.  Quite the inspirational woman now and she gave me the extra push to get my butt in gear.  Sharing ideas and inspiring concepts made me a do-er again.
The grand total by the end of the month of February included a total of two finished projects that were started previously (one afghan and one scarf), seven pointy elf hats, two regular hats, and one skinny scarf.  Of course on March first I finished my first sweater.  Okay, so maybe it's a mini sweater that I made a refrigerator magnet out of it.  But it's still quite an accomplishment.
And it hasn't stopped there...I've made one more pointy elf hat and one more regular hat.  I've got a mitten on one set of needles and one long (but unfortunately not long enough) leg warmer also on the needles.
Perhaps the most thrilling project occurred this weekend.  I finally have curtains in my living room thanks to a snowy Sunday morning in my craft room.  It feels so good to have them up as I've lived in my house about eighteen months and owned the fabric for over a year.
I can't wait to see what else these last winter months will bring.

On the topic of Babies

I'm thirty three and childless.  For some reason those two things in combination incite feelings that perhaps I wouldn't make a good mother.  Yes, you may be thinking, oh that's not true and in fact I would agree with you.  It is not my opinion, it is those around me.  I have no doubts that parenthood is challenging, but I get this impression that once you have babies you adopt the mantra that it is so hard that others couldn't possibly do what they do.  And I am by no means suggesting that I think it would be a piece of cake, but I'd like to know that you can imagine that perhaps I too would be a good parent.
I expect that when one becomes a parent their whole world changes, and they can't remember what it was like to be single and childless.  They don't remember a time without diapers and bottles and waking up in the middle of the night to that unknown sound.  There are many decisions and choices made as parents.  There's no spur of the moment weekend trips to Virginia Beach.  Everything has to be planned.  Everything is much more complicated.  And therefore those without babies can't even begin to imagine what that could be like.  But they forget....they too were at one point in their life-childless.  And they managed.  Please give me the same encouragement you received before you were with child.
And now that my soapbox has been properly used, I'd like to talk about where we went Monday night.  We went to an informational foster parent meeting.  I absolutely have hopes one day of having babies of my own, but the bf got me thinking about this.  We're several months from taking a child into our home (lots of training and inspections.)  And the intent of the foster care system is to remove children from unstable homes and place them in a safe and loving place with the hopes of returning them to an improved home.  What a fantastic service to our community to help a child.  A child in need. 
But I haven't told many people because I'm afraid of what they will say.  I'm afraid I won't get the support I have given for years. 
Of course there are alternative reasons for exploring this avenue.  First, what an amazing way to dip your toes into parenting.  My partner and I can learn a little at a time about the type of parents we want to be.  And then someday after we have our own two babies and I'm too old to have the five babies I want we can adopt those that can't go home.  We can make our home theirs.

The timing of things

Do you ever wonder how you got so far off the tracks?  My bestus friend in the whole world became my friend in ninth grade.  We were inseparable.  We both had grand visions of our lives ahead of us.  We both went to college.  He met the love of his life and shortly after college was engaged and buying a house.  I spent the year following college graduation in South Korea.  It was a year of adventure but it soon brought me home to get a local job.  I took a couple of graduate level courses while working and realized I wasn't done with school just yet.  My bff found his dream job and started saving for retirement.  I was in his wedding almost ten years ago and the paths since then couldn't have been more different.
He and his wife became public school teachers and started to travel the world on cruises.  They bought professional people's vehicles and did home renovations.  They made friendships with people who lived near them.
I lived on graduate student wages and bought the cheapest car I could find and convinced myself I would drive it till it fell apart (I'm still driving it today...knock on wood.)  I took on part time jobs and lived mostly paycheck to paycheck.  I was single for a long time then became the serial monogamist moving from one long term relationship to the next.  I didn't find my "career" until about three years ago and even then I was resistant.  I finally bought a house eighteen months ago.  I've had to say goodbye to so many wonderful people because my lifestyle demanded a lot of movement. 
About five years ago, my friend started talking about having a family.  Like most of his decisions I wished that he would wait a little longer.  Not because I thought he wasn't ready, but because I wasn't ready.  I was so far behind him I thought I would never catch up.
Today he sent pictures of his two beautiful kids.  They will be two and four this year, and they will break your hearts and ovaries.  They are precious.  And once again, a peek into my friend's life leaves me wondering if I took the right path.  If I had followed him, I could have had all of that. 

Due to the cost of Parsnips

Have I mentioned how much I enjoy my work community?  I enjoy my job itself, but it's really the environment that makes it that much better.  It began in the winter three years ago when a coworker and I decided to start a ladies' soup group.  It has grown since thing to include the occasional man or student and is rarely soup.  The four women who teach in the department (coincidentally only on MWF) take turns on MWF to cook for the others.  When the fare is vegetarian we extend the offer to our chair of the department.  How can that hurt?  The cooking is fantastic.  We get to try new things and share favorite recipes.  We get to bring foods that our own families are tired of or never really liked in the first place. 
There's something wonderful about joining together with coworkers over a home cooked meal in the middle of the day that makes you feel like a part of another family.  For that, I am very blessed.
For the most part we try very hard to keep shop talk away from the table.  So the conversations take many turns.  Often we talk about food.  Today was no exception as the topics of buying locally grown beef and vegetables came up.  I think I made a deal to swap some ground beef with one of the other ladies, her's is too lean for her taste and mine too fatty. 
We talked about canning.  Last summer my man bought me a bushel of tomatoes locally grown (and beautiful) for ten dollars a bushel.  I said "I couldn't grow them for that."  And I heard my dad saying those exact words. 
It might be winter of 2011, and it might be very cold outside.  And we might just see that huge snowstorm they keep promising.  But inside is the memory of summer and warm days ahead.  And tomatoes.  Big beautiful juicy tomatoes.  On toast with a little mayo.  Someday soon.

Where did January go?

December came and went.  It was a great month.  Holiday parties and gatherings.  We hosted our first (hope to be annual) cookie exchange party.  Our friend Clare made the most amazing cherry macaroon cookies that I desperately want to make myself but considering the damage the first batch did to my waist line, I've held off.  I'm not sure how much longer I can wait.
But that is not to say that the oven has not been put to good use.  For the cookie swap I had Clare bake up some peppermint chocolate biscotti from a recipe in a magazine.  They were so tasty I made a second batch a few weeks later.  You see the recipe calls for crushed up peppermint candies.  And what better way to use up all of those boxes of candy canes you can find for pennies at the stores these days. 
And then came the bread.  My man is a lover of bread.  He's made so much bread in the last two months that I can't possibly really blame the cookies for the spike in the waistline.
So for a nice gift a few weeks ago I ordered him a book that promised artisan breads in only five minutes a day.  It is fantastic and so easy.  And now the breadline is expanding (like my waistline.)  I think he plans on working through every recipe in the book.  Where he'd get an idea like that is just beyond me.
Okay, it's not so inconceivable considering I've been going on about my favorite book for months.  You see, back in October I ordered a book on canning.  As I drooled over each page I realized it had to make it on my thirty in my thirties list to make the entire book. 
I've made some good progress and post pictures to facebook every time.  And after much encouragement, I've come back to my blog to share with you some of my culinary canning concoctions. 
I do hope that you will enjoy reading, looking at, and possibly drooling over them as much as I enjoy making them.
This week has seen some spicy carrot pickles, cumin and paprika turnip pickles, and grapefruit marmalade.  Stay tuned for more details and photos (and taste testing results!)

Slowing down

November was a blur.  An exciting blur.  A fascinating blur.  A blur filled with family and friends and fun.  But a blur nonetheless.  In less than a month I'll be celebrating another birthday.  I don't think I'm getting older.  In fact I'd like to believe I'm just getting more seasoned.  But after the last two weeks of fighting off this cold/flu/whatever it is I think my body is trying to tell me that I am in fact getting older. 
It's interesting how the mind and body can be so separate but so completely connected.  I was just speaking with a good friend saying sometimes you have to follow your heart over your head.  I still agree that it's sound advice but sometimes, when your body tells you to slow down, you might just want to listen. 
But December is the most beautiful month filled with all the wonders of the holiday season.  So I guess I'll rest in January.

Guilt

There have been times in my life where I have rightfully earned the title "Drama Queen."  Then I grew up a little.  I stopped running away and found that when things settled down a little life was pretty darn good.  Of course, I'm with a man who doesn't encourage drama and when he does we sit down and talk it out together.
So it's all good.  Until the stars got misaligned this week and the drama began again.  One of my best friends introduced me to his girlfriend who I quickly adored only to have him break up with her shortly thereafter.  Another good friend asked to borrow money because of some poor financial planning.  I was reminded that I need to make Thanksgiving plans for a sibling even though it's not my responsibility.  My mother reminded me of how I neglected my bf's cat while we were first dating and now that he's sick I should feel guilty about it.
Guilty.  That is the feeling of the week.  I wondered if we impose feelings of guilt on our selves or do we let others?  And if we do it to ourselves, how do we stop?  Is there any benefit to it?  If others do it, how do we stop?  Should we feel guilty for allowing them to make us feel guilty?