Homemade Pop Tarts-Say what?

A look at my boards three years ago you would have found pins in gardening, entertaining food recipes, exciting crafts, and even some kid centered ideas.  Three years ago feels like a lifetime ago.  

And then things changed and now I only seem to pin recipes (perhaps the occasional organization idea or foster parenting quote.)  I began to wonder why that was.  Why had I given up all of those things that I used to love like gardening, entertaining, and crafting?  The sad reality was that I stopped having the time to do those things.  Well, the time combined with the energy.  The ironic part was that two years ago I started on a weight loss journey that has successfully reduced my being by one hundred and forty pounds.  With that reduction, I have a lot more energy and find that I'm physically able to do more (like the seventeen trips up and down stairs to do laundry doesn't exhaust me like it used to.)  But it's the seventeen loads of laundry I do every week or the three meals a day plus snack that I make or the cleaning up accidents or putting kids in time out that just seems to consume all of my time and energy.  Sure, there may be time at the end of the day for me, but the me at the end of the day just wants to be a blob on the couch.  

I will be the first to admit that I just had no idea how all consuming child raising can be.  And sure, I'll throw in the obligatory, they are totally worth it, hardest job you'll ever love, blah blah blah, comment here.  And sure it's true they are special and wonderful and give you so much joy.  So while the statement is truthful, it's also incredibly misleading.  Because you won't love or enjoy the tenth poopy diaper of the day, or cleaning the puke off one kid because they were playing a "who can burp louder" game that went south real fast, or when you find yourself setting the timer because "we've been sitting at the table for an hour already, please finish your food!" or when you can't leave the house and are already late because someone can't find the hat they want to wear even though there is a pile of eighty hats scattered throughout the foyer.  

So what is the one thing that could qualify as a basic need filler but might give me some sort of joy?  Cooking and baking.  They need to eat, right.  Yes, in fact, all the time.  So that is what I do to make peace with this new life I have.  I cook.  I look for new and exciting recipes that my family will enjoy.  (I am incredibly lucky enough to be a part of a lunch group for my work, and we take turns cooking for each other so I can even explore recipes that are less than kid friendly.)  Some recipes are far more successful than others.  Some are a lot of fun to make.  Some the kids help with.  Some are nice surprises.  Some are healthy.  Some are far from it.  But they all allow me to craft.  

My challenge to myself this month has been to identify an ingredient in the pantry/freezer that has been sticking around a little too long.  It has been quite an adventure.  I think the family thinks so too....but in the end, we all need to find something that makes us happy.  And this makes me happy.  

New Socks

Many years ago, my friend and I wrote a bucket list of "forty things to do before 40."  A few items have been crossed off.  Some have a slim chance of ever being crossed off, but hey you never know.  And one, well one has always been in the back of my mind as a real dream.  Running a 5K.  Actually, I think I was probably playing it safe and just put "finish a 5K" on the list.  I was going to start jogging this summer.  I even bought a jogging stroller for the baby as motivation.  It never happened.
And then September 1st came and it was like a New Year had begun.  I bought a Couch to 5K app for my phone and decided to do it.  Of course, I worked a full day, then had several errands to run, and had to pick up boys, and put over tired boys to bed, and I fell onto the couch that evening after 8 pm.  I hadn't eaten since lunch at 11 am.  I still had emails to respond to.  Jogging was the last thing I wanted to do.
And so it would begin.  The game of prioritizing.  I have to work.  My kids have to have dinner.  My kids have to be put to bed.  So when do I get thirty minutes to do something just for me?  I was starting to sulk a little.  In fact, I may have been outfit pouty.
But I put my big girl panties on....err my running shoes, and I just did it.  I got out there.  And you know what?  It felt so good.  Not only was I starting to do something I've only ever dreamed about, but it made my body feel good.  And my mind, heart, and soul.
That was a week ago and tonight I completed my fourth iteration.  I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.  I haven't given up yet.  And best of all, I've continued to take just a half an hour and focus on me.  Wish me luck as I take the time to rediscover me.

Life as it is

Four years ago I met him.  One month ago we signed the papers.  One day ago the birth certificates arrived in the mail with both of our names on them.  I never would have imagined that this would be the path my life would take, but I'm pretty happy that it is going the way it is.  

Those two little boys who came to live with us full time in October 2011 were finally made a part of our forever family.  Let the adventures continue and let the blogging begin again.  

Judgement

Our new lives as foster parents has been an incredible journey.  There have been oh so many ups and downs and everything in between.  We are excited to continue and learn as we go.
This blog isn't the place for sharing details of our children's lives, but I do feel I need a place to express some of the things we've experienced.  So you'll need a little background information first.  About three months ago we took on an 11 month old infant boy (who has since learned to walk, but often prefers crawling.)  Then almost a month ago we were asked if we would like to take in two toddlers.  These two boys are ages 2 and 3 and are only ten months different in age.  We had had these boys in our temporary care in the past and we had fallen in love with them.  It seemed like a no-brainer at the time. 
But time has told that it isn't at all easy.  But no parent ever signed up for easy.  So now we have a 1,2, and 3 year old boys  living with us.  It has led to quite the adventures.
Yesterday we took a trip to a big city and went shopping with all of the boys.  In this environment of seeing hundreds of people we got quite the reactions.  In fact, I felt very judged.  Clearly my partner and I were traveling with three boys all very close in age.  What makes it even more interesting is that each boy has a different hair color, the two brothers are blond and brunette while the baby is a red head.  One stranger even came up to me and asked me how I did it.  She wanted to know how I got three boys with different hair colors.
Now, here is where I have a problem.  I don't want to tell people that these boys are foster children and that is why it is possible to have so many so close in age.  But, and maybe this is my issue I need to work on, I don't want people making judgments about me.  I don't want them to think that I'm promiscuous, or that I'm a bad planner, or a bad mother.  And perhaps the real problem is that I would most likely judge others if I saw the same situation. 
Maybe that is the whole point of this, maybe I need to judge others less.  Maybe I need to be more open to what others' are dealing with in their own lives. 
It's interesting what a stranger can teach you.

Buddy Cat

This week we said goodbye to our dear Buddy cat.  He had been sick for over nine months and nature finally took its course. 
Buddy was a big fluffy super loving, always purring cat.  He really was a lover.  He especially loved kids.  And he Loved his belly rubbed.  He would roll on the floor and take a belly petting anytime. 
We first noticed something wrong when he started losing weight.  He also developed a lump on his throat.  After several visits to the vet, ivs, pills, blood work, and lots of other care we realized that we could maintain his current condition for a while but that eventually we would have to let nature do what is does best. 

A few months back he started refusing to take his pills.  I knew this was his way of telling me that he was ready.  It wasn't long before he lost the ability and motivation to be around us like he used to.  He continued to eat and drink and take the love that we gave him. 
We started to talk about the decision.  The one every good pet owner has to make; have him put down or let him go naturally.  Anytime I thought about taking him to the vet he would try to roll on his back for belly loving, and I just couldn't do it.
And then it was clear that the end was near.  He no longer wanted to be around us.  He wanted to be alone.  Thursday night I told Loren that it was time.  We went downstairs to where he was resting.  We placed him on the guest bed, held his head up and told him how much we loved him.  We both laid with him, both remembering what an amazing gift he had been to us.  He began to purr.  He purred loudly for a long time, most likely using all the energy he had left inside of him.  We closed our eyes and waited.  His breathing began to slow.  At moments we imagined the last was the last and then another.  Again we told him we loved him, and he was gone. 
I don't know where kitties go after they die, but I hope Buddy has found a place to be happy and run around and get all the belly loving he can.  I know we'll miss him terribly but will take comfort knowing he was well loved and he isn't in pain anymore.

The Fundamentals

Isn't funny how we develop differently?  What seems to come naturally to one is so foreign to another.  These are important things to note if you want to have a healthy relationship with someone you love. 
My love and I couldn't be more different when it comes to having alone time.  While I know he can see the value of it and occasionally enjoys it, he was already bored with his vacation a mere five hours after I left for work this morning.  In his defense, it's not vacation he's less than pleased with, it's the time apart from me.  It doesn't quite feel like a vacation if you have to do it alone.  (He is a public school teacher so gets randomly selected days off so he didn't choose to have this time off.)
But for me, ah, for me, it's a very different tune I sing.  I rearrange my schedules so I can stay home, alone, all day Tuesday and Thursday.  It's time for me to enjoy quiet time, to get projects done, to relax, to talk to myself, etc.  Yes, I find talking to oneself is a great way to work things out, it's amazing how honest you can be with yourself. 
Yesterday I got out my sewing machine.  It was the one my dad bought for my mom on their first wedding anniversary (49 years ago.)  I love it (she didn't.)  I thought a lot about my dad while I sewed.  He's been in my thoughts lately.  I've been working on an afghan using up scrap balls of yarn that he used to roll for my mom. 
But I digress, the sewing yesterday may have been a little premature but only from the first glace as I was working with my stash of x-mas fabrics.  I realized last year how much of a waste wrapping paper was and decided to try to make some gift bags of cloth instead and reuse them.  So after the holidays I purchased some material on clearance and started to sew them up yesterday.  They are adorable.  They take about five minutes to sew each one and run about 25-50 cents depending on the size.  Best of all, I enclosed a drawstring ribbon so "wrapping" will so so quick, easy, green, cheap, and still look great.  And considering how busy and crazy hectic things get in December, having these done ahead of time is going to be amazing.
Just like spending the day full of quiet time for myself.  Maybe I'll have to work on a honey-do list to help my love pass the time until I return.

My own March Madness

I get antsy in the wintertime.  I don't want to stay in one place for very long.  (And if I do, there are consequences too.)  So I get out of the house.  But where do I go?  Well, we could go to the mall or some of my favorite stores, we could do some grocery shopping, or we could shoot over to Cornwall because they have some good thrift stores there.
And before I know it I'm lugging bags of stuff into the house.  Stuff that was too good to pass up.  Stuff I really most likely did not need but wanted.  We've been shopping the same stores in the mall now for months that we walk into the store and actually get disappointed when the sale rack looks exactly as it did three days ago.  And yet there is always some deal to find.  Over the last few months, we've scored corduroy jeans for the bf for five bucks, a Calvin Klein leather jacket for him for thirty, wool socks for two dollars a pair, and a nine west purse for me for three dollars.  All brand new.  And then there is the thrifting-like ten cent men's ties. 
But due to a combination of monthly car repairs (see first post), not staying out of the mall, several birthdays in the last few months, and the occasional internet purchase for when I manage to stay out of the mall, my credit card statements are starting to look a little scary even for me.  (I pay the card in full each month.)  I think I'm spending too much money and so for March, I'm scrimping as much as I can.  I'm trying to stay out of the stores.  I don't need anything.  But I want....
I haven't ordered a single book from amazon this month and it's killing me.  There are so many knitting ones that I want.  I want to get more supplies, fancy stitch markers, circular needles in the length I prefer, fancy yarn,...oh the list just goes on.
But I'm being good.  I did reward myself yesterday to a trip to the thrift stores, but spent less than $25 for the whole day of thrifting.  I even found some really fancy yarn and some more ten cent ties to make my ugly tie quilt. 
So we will see how I do.  I start my spring break today after classes.  I have enough projects and ideas at my own house that it will be like shopping there, but everything will be free!  Can't get any better than that.